I came across a journal entry (from my prayer journal) this week that I wrote almost exactly 4 months ago. There weren't a whole lot of entries back then, so I think this one pretty much sums up how I was doing:
'MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU,
FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS'
2 Cor. 12:9
Help me to believe this. Thank you for how incredibly weak I feel. Like I cannot make it a few minutes, let alone hours or days without you God. 'I need thee every hour'. I need you more than ever. How humbled I am that a toddler and a newborn bring me to my knees every hour- but Oh how I need it! You know exactly what I need! Give me abundant grace, O God! Amen".
Wow, I so clearly remember what a difficult transition it was for me to go from one to two children. And it was so humbling- I kept thinking, "this shouldn't be this hard", but I think the Lord was after my self-sufficiantcy and pride in it all.
Now that Abigail is 6 months old, I am amazed at how things sorta flow again. Not that each day doesn't bring challenges, but I'm not in tears every day wondering how I will make it through the day. Actually the past three months have been full of way, way more smiles than tears. I think some of the "growing pains" have passed. I am so grateful that the Lord has allowed my ever so small capacity to grow a little bigger- but only with His help. And I am especially grateful for that feeling of desperation- what a blessed place to be. It is so easy in the typical day to day life to think I can manage life just fine on my own. I hope through these past 6 months I have learned that I can't do things on my own- I need Gods strength in everything, every minute of every day. What a valuable lesson to learn.